cruelyethuman | For Starkovs

Like calls to like, but Ravka's Sun Summoner was desperately trying to silence that call.

When Baghra had told her the truth about Aleksander, she had fled the Little Palace, ridding herself of that ornate kefta and instead choosing plain clothes that would help her blend in when in a crowd. So far she had successfully escaped her would-be kidnappers, and was trying to go unnoticed in a bustling marketplace. It was imperative to quickly put as much distance between the other Grisha and herself.

Alina had no idea about the ring on her finger: it had not even occurred to her that she could be tracked in such a way. In fact, when she saw the treeline of dense forest, a fragile feeling of hope took hold: that would be an even better place to hide.

She almost made it...until a gust of wind knocked her off her feet, and she was quickly surrounded by Grisha. Caught, like a rabbit in a snare. No!

Alina sprang right back onto her feet, prepared to call upon her ability, when a wave of dizziness overcame her that brought her to her knees. A Heartrender, of course. Even with her power, she was no match for the other Grisha...not without more training. And yet --

"I'm not going back!"

The last few merchants run for cover, as Squallers assembled at the edge of the stalls and a lone Heartrender smiled, her fists clenched and outstretched towards the market place.

"I can feel her, sir."

"You're not a prisoner," he called softly, walking quietly among the stalls. The Grisha moved with him, searching through each stack of cloth and every pile of dried fish. "But you left rather suddenly."

He would ransack this whole town if that's what it took to get her back, the rage and disappointment burning low in his stomach as he kept searching. The Darkling waved his hand at the Heartrender - Troya - and gave her a nod. The Heartrender's fingers spread out slowly, before contracting them with a sharp snap.

"There's really no reason for this dramatic gesture. Come out and we will talk."

If I'm not a prisoner, why can't I leave? she wanted to yell. Instead, she managed to force herself up and stagger into a darkened, abandoned shop. The window was full of small figurines and other trinkets -- had she looked closer, she would have seen the figurines had been fashioned in the likeness of long-dead Saints.

Before she could make it further into the shop, she felt another, stronger wave of dizziness hit her. Black spots danced before her eyes as the Heartrender caused her blood to slow, sapping her strength so she could not flee further. Alina collapsed against a shelf, knocking things over as she tried and failed to stay upright.

'Come out and we will talk,' he said. As if she was stupid enough to trust him or believe any more of his lies. It made her almost as angry as she was frightened.

Baghra. And for a short second fury exploded through him, unleashed rage and anger and all at the woman who'd birthed him. Who hid him from the world and who spent decades inspiring equal amounts of paranoia and fear in him, she had done this. Caused this because she was still too afraid of what they could do- what he could do, to fully understand the scope of it.

"Alina-" the Darkling cajoles, as the Grisha flush her out. The wind is picking up, a howling storm rushing the narrow streets; there's heat and fire as the Inferni set a pile of baled hay alight. "You leave me no choice, sun summoner."

The nearest Grisha scurries forward, bowing before receiving his orders; to get Genya from the Queen's chambers.

Alina managed to pull herself up. The smell of smoke sent a jolt of fear through her. Would he truly destroy an entire town to get to her? She couldn't let any innocent people get caught in the crossfire -- she had to keep on moving.

The woods. That had been the place she had set her sights on initially. If she made it to the woods, perhaps she could lose them.

Though she didn't want to see this place destroyed, she knew worse things would happen if the Darkling was able to control her powers...not that the thought stopped guilt from already setting in. But it was the truth: he couldn't be allowed to use the Fold as a weapon.

Alina headed for the back of the shop, found a door, and carefully peered both ways down the alley. It was deserted. Quickly yet silently, she headed away from the smoke and back towards the woods.

The oprichniki and the borrowed soldiers from the Second Army combs the market. They go through every stall and every shop, overturning every piece of furniture on his command. The stench of burning wool and disaster wafting through the whole district.

But the Grisha he sent out return, their heads bowed and the Darkling wants to scream. To rend and tear and yell at them, to find her. She's one barely trained girl; they're Grisha.

Genya comes, then. Sitting behind David on a pale horse and the Darkling calls out, his voice booming, "Do you see this? Come back, or I will make her pay for your resistance!"

Genya trembles under his hand, but he stays at the edge of the market place.

Alina was flitting through the back alleys and streets, trying to stay hidden. More than once she was nearly seen. She was headed away from the scent of burning things, the sounds of destruction, when she heard the Darkling's booming voice. His tone had changed...it sounded as if it were becoming harder to remain calm.

Make her pay? Who was he talking about? And how could he even be sure she was still in the vicinity? Somehow, Alina had placed enough distance between herself and the Heartrender from earlier.

It was a trap, a trick, and the wisest thing to do would continue evading detection and slip away quickly and silently. And yet...

The thought of someone paying for her resistance made her resolve waver. Silently cursing herself, she climbed onto a window sill, and managed to pull herself up onto a roof. Living at the Little Palace had given her much more strength -- she had never been healthier in her life.

With slow movements, she peered over the slanted roof and felt her heart drop. Genya was easy to pick out, even from this distance. She had been kind to Alina right from the start.

Anger took hold of her. What she was about to do was foolish, and yet she could not live with herself if Genya was hurt or even killed due to her actions. She took a deep breath, and yelled:

"Come and get me yourself, you coward!"

Alina then slid back off the roof, heart pounding, and ran headlong into the woods.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Alina was supposed to be awed and just a little bit afraid, of power and the court and of everything only he could show her. She was supposed to be in the war room, once he returned and be relived at how efficient he dealt with the threat to her safety and how much better it was with him than--

The ring and David kept pointing to this area, but even as he unbuttoned Genya's kefta, his fingers slipping through every hook until he could pull if off of her shoulders and in to David's waiting arms, there's no word. There's nothing to show that she's actually there.

Genya trembled, her small frame vibrating under his touch, but she knew. Knew without asking how important this was, and the Darkling rolled her sleeve down to her elbow and pulled out his knife. The yell stayed his hand.

"Fine!"

Was all he managed to yell back, before throwing the knife to the ground and storming off. The Grisha fell in step behind him and the Darkling has to stop, has to waste precious minutes instructing them. To go in to the woods, but further along, to cut her off before she can disappear in to the wilderness.

And he's off, his long legs making short work of the cobblestone and before long, he's running. Storming through the treeline, his Kefta streaming out behind him like flying shadows, snagging on bushes and dragging through the soft dirt and the day grows dark, his Shadows rising up around him, racing through the forest.

Alina was also storming off, running as fast as her legs could carry her, over bushes and roots and around trees. Coward, liar, traitor, she thought angrily to herself, fighting back the sting of angry tears. Black Heretic. The stories she had grown up on had been right.

Murderer. Monster. It had all been a trick, and she had fallen for it. Why hadn't she been able to pick up on his lies sooner?

For a moment she caught herself against a tree, clutching the stitch in her side and breathing heavily. Alina couldn't keep up this pace for much longer. She could only hope that the Darkling was still ransacking the town, and that Genya was able to get away.

Night was falling, and the natural shadows in the woods made her feel unnerved. Would she spend the rest of her life, fearful of the dark? Would she even live long enough to have that much time?

She set off again at a slower pace this time, trying to stay quiet and not leave a trail, picking her way carefully. Alina reached a stream, and as she judged the best way to cross it, out of the corner of her eye...the shadows were quickly lengthening. Without thinking she world around, quickly throwing up a protective shield of bright light, searching in the dark for the Darkling.

She knew he was there.

His shadows slid over her Light like blood on water, slithering across the golden globe, looking for a weakness. A crack in her shield wide enough to slip in to, and the world around her blacked out as he strode towards her, hands out, and the shadows grew thick until there was no light but the one she made.

"Alina-"

He pushed, the shadows pushed against her Light, forcing themselves more firmly against the only thing keeping them apart.

"Stop this silliness and come to me. Come willingly and all of this will be forgotten."

Alina had to call upon her training with Baghra, all that she had learned, to keep the shield of light strong. His shadows engulfed her, trying to find any weakness, trying to reach her. With her hands held out, she managed to hold her ground, at least for now.

"No!" she said defiantly. "I know who you are, what you are! You created the Fold, and have no intention of destroying it."

Even though she was dressed in plain clothes, hair loose and tangled, she looked powerful as she stood there opposing him. Bathed in the golden light of her power, Alina looked like a true Saint.

"You lied to me," she said, and though she tried to keep her voice strong there was a touch of hurt in her tone. "All you want to do is use me. Why would I ever go willingly with you?"

Baghra. And the Darkling's face twisted in anger, his lips peeled back from his teeth. "I have never lied to you, Alina!"

The trees and the underbrush vanished in to the thick blanket of shadows and the Darkling took a step closer to where Alina's Light lit up a small circle. He formed his fingers, sliding his palms against each other and the darkness closest to him coagulated. Thickening, and it shaped itself in to a large crescent of pure dark.

"Come willingly, because it's the only way you can leave."

The look of anger on his face was frightening, making her heart beat faster. She had never seen him lose his composure like that. The urge to run was strong, but running would mean dropping her shield, and the moment she did that he would have her.

He would have her either way, though...Aleksander had centuries of training, while Alina only had months. Her light simply could not withstand his shadows for long.

"If you never lied, then why are you so furious?" she challenged, unable to stop herself from defying him just a little longer.

The Darkling took a step forward, and instinctively she took a small step back. His shadows were gathering..
and taking on a familiar form. Her stomach dropped. The cut. She could never forget seeing the Drüskelle who had been sliced in half right above her.

"So you would truly murder the only Sun Summoner in existence?" Alina could not hide her disbelief. It was hard to imagine that only a day ago -- less than a day? -- she had kissed him. And now he was prepared to kill her.

The Cut faltered, the shadow-blade dissolving slowly in to the darkness surrounding them, that kept them isolated from the rest of the world and the Darkling took another step closer.

"You- you ask me why I'm furious?"

His voice came out like a low snarl, his hands curling against his side. "I trusted you, Sun Summoner-" he's panting, trembling before her Light, "I haven't trusted anyone is a long time."

The darkness almost had a weight to it, thick as ink. "And you trust my mother? Over me." The familiar twisting knife of betrayal. "I would never kill you, the Cut is to get to you. Not to hurt you."

The next came in a rush, his fingers traced the glowing ball of light that she threw up between them. "After everything I've done for you, how can you still doubt me? She told me, what she had told you and that's all it took, Alina? Her words, but when I've shown you what kind of man I am, you dismiss it so easily."

Alina watched as the Cut faltered and then faded, the concentrated shadows flowing back into the ones surrounding them. Relief washed over her. At least something she had said reached him.

The fury, though...that was still there. He took another step forward, but this time she stood her ground. The Darkling's hands curled at his side, and his usually smooth voice came out in a snarl.

"And I trusted you!" she snapped, pain in her own voice. "You say you trusted me, but you didn't. Not really. The scared little boy you claimed to be as a child? Wanting to destroy the Fold? All of it...lies."

Alina watched him as his fingers traced the curve of light, almost as if he were drawn to it -- like a moth to flame. His words came out in a rush, and she felt conflicted. Had Baghra lied, or exaggerated? Should she have stayed to question him and hear him out?

Yes, he had lied. But Aleksander had also been kind. The Second Army was well cared for, and he made sure they were treated the same as other Ravkans -- the food, the clothing, all the little details. Above all else, he made sure they were protected and looked out for their safety.

Her conviction wavered for a second...until she thought of one woman he had not thought twice to use.

"What of Genya?" she demanded. "You used her, threatened to make her pay just so you could get to me!" And it had worked. "What would you have done if I hadn't stopped you in time?"

Though Alina put on a brave front, it was becoming harder to maintain the shield -- she couldn't keep it up much longer, and it had nearly wavered once already. After all, she hadn't had time to do extensive training.

She wasn't wrong, he was drawn to her. The way all living things were drawn to the light, because Light means life and Alina was his. His second chance, his hope for any kind of future and she was standing right there. Just beyond the reach of his shadows.

"I told you the truth," his voice grew lower, confidential. Like a secret they shared. "I was that boy, living in fear. I was raised in fear, struggling to accept who I was. What I was. Being Grisha was a death sentence."

The heat from her Light burned across the palm of his hand, but he didn't remove it. No, his hands were as close to her as he could possibly get.

"Genya doesn't want to see you get hurt, she was willing to help me. Help you get back to the Little Palace. Where you'll be safe.

In case you've forgotten, there are still so many people out here who wants nothing more than to watch us all burn."

Alina desperately wanted to believe him. She had never belonged anywhere: not in Keramzin after her parents had died, or as a cartographer assisting the First Army. And while she had considered Mal her home and yearned for him, he hadn't even bothered to write her.

In Os Alta, she had begun to flourish. Alina had made friends, become strong and healthy, and had gained a purpose in life. The sheer magnitude of what she was expected to do frightened her, yes, but she couldn't deny that part of her had liked it. The demonstration at the Fete...

No. She could not think of the Fete, or of what had happened both before and after.

"You are the Black Heretic, not his ancestor," she said, matter-of-factly. "And you told me you wanted to destroy the Fold -- but what you truly want to do is use it. Those were lies, and you can't deny it."

Her shield was not as bright as before, but she continued to hold it: Light and Dark separated.

"You want more power, and you don't care how many people die or get hurt. You -- you want to use me." Anger, disgust, pain...all could be heard in the tone of her voice. "Why should I believe you or trust you? Look at what you did to that village!"

She didn't believe Genya had offered to be tortured, or that he was telling her the truth. Her anger grew...and her light, her shield, wavered.

Nostrils flaring, the light dimming and the shadows slid greedily across the surface of it. The Darkling settles for slowly moving closer, his hands pushing against her Light.

There is so much emotion in her, his Alina. She feels everything so keenly. Like every hurt is still a fresh one and he hasn't felt anything in years. Whatever part of him had been hurt, or scared, in the past, had been burned away by years and experience. Her feelings are like fresh air, and he wants them. Wants her.

"Would you have believed me, if I had told you the truth at the fountain? How could I even begin to explain who I had been all those years ago."

And still, he pushes. His shadows swarming closer, so thick they even drown out the sounds of the forest. "Did my mother tell you that? Why, Alina, would you even believe her?"

Alina noticed his shadows growing thicker, slowly wearing away at her Light. The shield grew just a little smaller...she was running out of time, and she was scared. Remain in place, and the Darkling's shadows would eventually consume her. Try and make a run for it, and he would easily catch her and overpower her. Meanwhile, she watched as his hands continued to try and push against her Light...and making just a tiny big of progress. It was like a form of torture.

"I don't know what I would have believed, because you never even gave me a chance!" she countered. "You could have tried to explain! Instead, you decided for me, and assumed...what? I wasn't smart enough to understand?" She held his gaze, glaring at him.

"Do you deny that she is your mother?" How much longer would he keep lying to her? "She risked everything to try and save me. Why would she do that, if she didn't fear what you had planned?" Alina felt guilty for having given the woman away...and also, just a little unsure. Baghra was elderly...perhaps she had become confused in her old age? Were there still more pieces to this story that she didn't know about?

His shadows continued to grow, quieting the sounds of the forest. Alina shook off her doubts, reached deep within herself, and called upon her Light. Without warning, it flared, the shield widening and managing to push the shadows back -- at least temporarily. It was a small victory, a brief one, but she still felt a sense of satisfaction. It was proof that she, too, was powerful, even if her raw power was unrefined.

"You still haven't answered me, Aleksander. Why should I trust you?"

Though Alina was in denial, a small part of her desperately wanted to trust him.

With the ball of light dimming, he pushes harder. Puts his hands out and the shadows at his back swarm over her, over her Light.

"I assumed that you would run," he says back evenly, but his face twists, his mouth turning down. Because "and I was right. You were not ready."

And he's been right, she had run at the first notion that he wasn't-- that he wasn't what? Like her tracker? Like the boy she wrote those heartfelt and yearning letters to. Because the Darkling knew the human heart, and because sometimes things had to be done with a decisive hand. To stop the war.

"Who do you think told me that you were gone? My mother-" she had raised him to become the Black Heretic. Her poisoned words dripping in to his young ears. Years and years of it, and now she wanted to ruin everything. "My mother told me. She's fine, she risked nothing, but she made you risk everything."

The Drüskelle were not the only dangers out here, and controlling the Fold wasn't the worst thing he could do. "You should trust me, because I am the only one who has seen all of you, Alina, and never turned away."

The way his face twisted, mouth turning down, made her even angrier for some reason. "You mean I wasn't brainwashed enough?" she countered, her own brows furrowed in concentration as she tried to fight off his shadows. "Indoctrinated and manipulated enough? Maybe if you had told me yourself, I would have some shred of respect for you!"

The news that Baghra had told him made her falter just a bit. Why had she done that? Why hadn't she feigned ignorance, long enough for Alina to get away? If it was so important that the Darkling not use her...

'She's fine, she risked nothing, but she made you risk everything,' he had said.

Alina had to remember the town he had sacked to get to her, as well as what he would have done to Genya. And the Fold...she had to remember that he had no plans to destroy it.

But somehow, Aleksander knew exactly what to say to make her falter.

'You should trust me, because I am the only one who has seen all of you, Alina, and never turned away.'

A terrible thing to say...and yet also a true one. Mal hadn't written her back, not after discovering she was Grisha. And no one else amongst the other cartographers or First Army had bothered to write...not that she had real friends other than Mal. But it still stung. Genya had been her closest friend, and yet had apparently offered to be bait, to draw Alina out. And though she had a couple other friends in Os Alta...they felt superficial. None wanted to know about her life before she was discovered to be the Sun Summoner.

The general -- the Darkling -- Aleksander had been the only one who seemed to care. The only one to understand. He had offered much without expecting anything in return.

Yet even he had lied to her --

A tiny hairline fracture in her Light formed as her resolve wavered, emotions warring inside of her heart. The crack was on her left side and his right, imperceptible to the eye...but perhaps not to shadows.

Her words make him stop and the swirling shadows that have been beating at her shield like dark waves crashing against the shore, falter. They stop, and the darkness breathes with him as he gentles his hands against her Light, almost cradling the near-blistering heat of her Sun.

"That's not what I want."

Before he had even known about her, before the skiff and the tent by the dry-docks, the Darkling had dreamed about the Sun Summoner. He had made plans, rehearsed speeches, only to throw them out and start over.

Over and over.

For centuries, he had waited for someone like her, only it felt more like he had always been waiting for her. No one else. The Light to his Darkness, the one who will balance him out. She was supposed to be everything that he isn't, and maybe he never bothered to think that through. He wanted to pretend that balanced would mean they agreed on where the center should be, but she feels so much and every emotion is so clear on Alina's face. Even now, as he almost drowns her in his Shadows, she stands tall and defiant. And she doesn't agree with him at all.

"I want you willing," he says quietly, the only sound is their breathing as his shadows slink over her shield like inky fingers. "I didn't tell you, because there is no way to tell someone that I am more than 400 years old. That I have had many names and lived many lives, while I waited for you, Alina."

"I have tried every other thing to ensure peace in Ravka, and it never worked. Because I didn't have you."

The swirling, chaotic darkness seemed to calm, as if they had reached the eye of some storm. Aleksander still held his hands to her Light, though instead of bruising force his touch was more of a caress. What he said next surprised her, though she still appeared wary. This time, he was taking his time and choosing his words with more care.

Without thinking, she took first one, then two steps towards him. If she wanted to, she could reach up and touch her hand to his. There was no denying that his Darkness called to her Light, and vice versa. She was drawn to his shadows just as he was drawn to her beams of light. No matter how much she hated it, like called to like: a hard truth.

His words made her bristle, and yet Alina's heart still ached for him. Aleksander had been alone for over four hundred years. She was alone, too, and so much younger than him...living with the sharp pain of loneliness for centuries must be near unbearable. There was no hiding the empathy on her face, even though her anger was still present.

"You will never 'have' me," she said. Alina's tone was sharp...yet not as firm as it had been earlier. "I am not some tool you can possess and wield."

On some level, Alina knew all of this was pointless. She was alone, with nowhere to go. Mal had abandoned her, there was no returning to the First Army, and too many people knew what she looked like now. Many people were hunting her and wanted her dead, many believed her to be a saint who was sent to perform miracles, and the few others wanted to profit off of her.

Though she feared the answer, she had to ask: "What if I refuse, and I won't come willingly? What will you do then?"

It's always a mixture of truth and lies, how much he's willing to show of his true self and how much he has to hide to get the results that he so desperately needs.

The tsar wants to see him humbled, too often is he called to court only to have to kneel before this bloated oaf of a man. A man so simple, he can't even see that he's ruining Ravka, that his desire for wealth and grand feasts, come with a heavy price - the price of Ravkans starving. But kneeling brings the Darkling closer to being in control of the whole army, and he kneels. He kisses the fragrant hands of the tsaritsa and he lets them snigger in private about it.

He has knelt before so many before, and Alina is his hope to never have to kneel again.

"You'd have me in return."

A truth. That he needs her, her Small Science and her whole being. To keep him from losing that last scrap of humanity that he can still feel from time to time, wriggling like a worm on a hook, in the pit of his stomach. Like calls to like and maybe there's a bit on inhumanity in her that longs for him.

The Darkling sinks to his knees in front of her fading Sun.

"Lose all hope."

'You'd have me in return.'

Alina had not expected an answer such as that. He was sidestepping her questions, trying to distract her from demanding the answers she truly wanted. "I don't want to have you -- I want to know what happens if I refuse. If I choose to leave instead of going with you willingly." That answer, if given truthfully, would tell her all she needed to know

The Darkling sank to his knees in front of her, and she couldn't hide her shock. A small part of her exulted in seeing him like that. This is how it should be. But she quickly pushed the thought away.

Alina was obviously torn, overcome with indecision. It would be easy, to give in and go with him. But ever since her first day at Os Alta, she had gotten the sense that her fate had been taken out of her hands while she wasn't looking. For someone like her, that was unacceptable.

"If you truly mean what you say you'll let me leave, and then return when I'm ready." She backed away from him slowly. "After that, maybe I'll trust you again. Call off your oprichniki." Perhaps she could find Mal, and there would be some reasonable explanation for why he hadn't written her back.

Or perhaps she truly had no one else in the world. Worse: a fool with no one else.

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sorry about this, work ate me

no worries!

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